Irresistible

I don’t want a pretty boy
Who’s prettier than me
With flowing hair
And pools for eyes
And ‘sensitivity’
Who’s always writing love notes
And romantic poetry
And saying that
His ‘heart’s desire’
Is to be with me
Who loves romantic gestures
And boasts of how he yearns
To hold me close forever
Oh how my stomach turns!
A man who’s gracious manner
Is a very poor disguise
For shallow narcissism
Cos he’s dead behind the eyes
Every bonding moment
Is sacrificed you see
To his ego, to his pride
His monumental vanity
Yet ever the gentleman
He’ll blow a gentle kiss
Then trace his own initials
On my arid clitoris
He’s Don Juan, he’s Heathcliffe
He’s Rochester, I’m Jane
He would be Mr Darcy
But Elizabeth’s a pain
Too feisty, too intelligent
Too challenging, too strong
He knows she’d see right through him
So he wouldn’t take her on
He needs the kind of woman
Who’s susceptible to flattery
Who won’t view his vainglory
As emotional battery
Who’ll coo at his attentions
Cos she does not know better
His every empty compliment
Just getting her wetter
Not me
My pussy would be a Sahara
As dry as my waterproof mascara
Though I could, just for fun
Entertain his little show
And I might just be impressed
‘Cept my IQ’s not that low
Yes, I can spot a fraud
From a million miles away
Because insincerity
Is such an obvious display
And therefore the most precious
Gift a man can bring to me
Binds me to him soul to soul –
His authenticity
With truth will he disarm me
And let me tell you this
The way into my heart – and bed
Requires no artifice
No flattery or false caress
Those tactics I abhor
Only his Integrity
Can open up the door
An honest man will take my heart
There’ll be no turning back
His honest heart will be
The greatest aphrodisiac
A true sensitivity
No Machiavellian knows
Shines a light so beautiful
The man who has it glows
It can’t be manufactured
It rises from the soul
Its healing incandesence
Can make a spirit whole
All doubt and insecurity
Are burned up in its rays
And in that lovely presence
I’d gladly end my days.

Alison Banville is co-editor of BSNews

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