Class War Romance

I met him on a train
Heading out of Waterloo
He was suited and booted
A City gent through and through

Late thirties maybe
Coiffed to the nines
He said ‘isn’t it dreadful
These trains are never on time’

I replied ‘damn right!
We need to stop rationalising
The whole fucking network
Needs nationalising!’

He looked at me
Like I’d spat at his mother
But I could tell he wanted
A bit of the other

He said ‘now listen here!
I don’t like your politics
I despise your opinions
But I do like your tits

I want to bed you
Though I’m making no assumption
But I will need your answer
Before Clapham Junction

‘Well let me see –
I hate your Tory guts!’
I cried
‘But if you can do the business
I’ll put that to one side

I’ll make an exception
I’ll suspend class war
If you give cunnilingus
Like I’ve never had before

Think of the anecdote
A nice little twist
You can tell your rugger pals
You fucked an anarchist

‘My god!’ he said
‘You’re a dangerous subversive!
Yet my senses are begging
For something immersive

I’ve never gone quite
This Far Left before
And we know a Corbynista
Is no better than a whore!

I once had a blow job
From a Blairite called Mary
But I’ve never been fellated
By a revolutionary

I really can’t stand
Your twenty hole boots
And I’m totally disgusted
By your working class roots

But something is telling me
It’s better to be bad
And that you’d be the best fuck
That I’ve ever had’

‘It’s very true’, said I
‘And our mutual disgust
Doesn’t seem to be a barrier
To uncontrolled lust

But this is not detente
In a war of ideologies
We’re just addressing urges
With no guilt
And no apologies

We may fraternise
But your empire’s gonna fall
And come the Glorious Day
You’ll be up against the wall

Your swiving cock won’t save you
To your pleas I’ll be immune
And just like in the bedroom
I will call the tune!

Oh look! Here’s Clapham Junction
The train is pulling in…
I think I’m in the mood
For some class betrayal sin!’


Alison Banville is co-editor of BSNews

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